The Book of Psalms contains 150 psalms or songs supposedly written by King David.
Many people love them. Many people find solace in them. Many people see their own triumphs and tribulations reflected in the words of the psalms. I’m not one of those people.
I’ve read them all numerous times. Part of my daily routine involves reading an excerpt from the Psalms. Rarely do I find the inspiration from the Psalms that I do from, say, the Gospels or Paul’s letter to the Romans.
So, after yet another frustrating read through the Psalms, I decided to give voice to my frustration. Below is my summation of all 150 psalms in today’s language. For those who may find this irreverent, please read to the end of this post. You’ll see that I’m not a demoniac Satanist hell bent on destroying Christianity — that’s Obama’s job, remember?
The Book of Psalms as translated by The Daily Wit:
Lord, my life sucks.
There are bastards on the left of me.
Bastards on the right.
I can’t get through a day without
some bastard getting on my case.
Bills, bills, bills. I work my tail off
And for what? There are just more
bills to pay, and I seem to make less
money the more I work.
Again, my life sucks.
And where are you?
Day and night I look for you
But you’re hiding from me.
I can’t find you anywhere.
I’m surrounded by problems
And you’re MIA.
I give up. Life’s too hard.
All these bastards can pick
my bones dry. I just don’t give
a damn anymore what happens to me.
But then I called out for you once more.
And you heard me. I don’t know what
changed, but something sure has.
For no apparent reason, I’m changing my tune.
You’re coming to help!
Oh thank you so much for your abundant goodness.
As I totally change my attitude you can almost see
The sun shining behind me. A blue bird on my shoulder.
Boy, this is awesome.
Yes, here you are now.
We are going to show these bastards
A thing or two. C’mon you bastards!
What do you have to say for yourselves now?
Huh? Y’all want some of this?
Thank you Lord for kicking the crap
Out of all those bastards.
I’ll sing your praises from here on out.
You’re the best.
There you go. All 150 psalms boiled down to 8 paragraphs.
Now, for the more serious part. While I won’t bare my soul on this goofy-ass blog, I will give you a small glimpse into my view on religion, spirituality, and what it means to worship God.
This is from Thomas Merton:
Sphere: Related Content[I]t is the will to pray that is the essence of prayer, and the desire to find God, to see Him and to love Him is the one thing that matters. If you have desired to know Him and love Him, you have already done what is expected of you, and it is much better to desire God without being able to think clearly of Him, than to have marvelous thoughts about Him without desiring to enter into union with His will.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
There’s a new book out called “The Case for God”. I’ve read a couple of reviews and it sounds interesting. One particular angle I’m interested in is how the definition of “faith” has changed/evolved/been corrupted through the years, particularly recent years. So anyway, I don’t want to read the book because I think it might be kind of hard, but I was thinking maybe you should read it, then tell me what I need to know from it.
Clearly, TB is just being lazy. I applaud that.
I really thought the first Psalm was going to morph into, “Stuck in the middle with you.” Regardless, I now have that song in my head. And I’m pretty OK with that.
Samsmama´s last blog ….Sexual Chocolate
TDW ~
I see my own triumphs and tribulations reflected in your words and work.
Thank you!
LOL @ Samsmama! It’s funny because I had initially had Amazing Grace sounding throughout my brain..Stuck in the middle with you is a little more upbeat so I traded out when I read your comment.
Great job on the abbreviated Psalms! If you won’t bare your soul on this goofy-ass blog, what blog will you bare it on?
Harmony´s last blog ….Don’t Fear the Reaper?
TB, Karen Armstrong wrote that book. She’s very intelligent, but writes in a way that even you and I can understand. I read her book A History of God, and would like to read her current book, but I can’t buy that book until I read all the ones I’ve recently bought.
SM and Harmony, your comments reveal my nerdiness. Y’all thought Bob Dylan; I was trying to convey Lord Alfred Tennyson’s Charge of the Light Brigade.
SBG, you . . . complete me.